I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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