whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When are your genitals available?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
