something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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