I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
