so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just blew my weed a kiss
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
