Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My bed smells like the plague
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
