There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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