I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do vagina's smell?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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