i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
