Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
