i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
