Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
