Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
