That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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