DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
