Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
