Can Purell be used as lube?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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