did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
