it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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