Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
