it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
