farters have to be the big spoon...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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