i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
