I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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