I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
