they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
