You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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