Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
