Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
