That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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