well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
