I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
