i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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