What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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