I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
