Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
