i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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