We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
