You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
