My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
