dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
