Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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