I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
