adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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