my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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