I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
