shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
