i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
