The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
