i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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