I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
