worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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