Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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