yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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