I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
