No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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