Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just googled if crying burns calories
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
