Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
