i just had sex bonerless
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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