why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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