how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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