i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
