I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
only you would photoshop your dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
